Big mistake to share the book with your missus. Better to make the changes on your own and earn and/or take respect and win hearts and mind to earn her loyalty. Off the top of my head, here are ten reasons you should not share the book with your gal.
1. Sharing the book with her gives you an excuse to say, “See, it’s not my fault.” This is true. But it’s also an attempt to seek maternal acceptance, which is your problem in the first place.
2. Sharing the book with her burdens her. She carries more negative emotion in general, something she uses to spot sickness and danger in her environment. Some of the stuff in the book applies to you and some or much of it does not. If she reads the book, you are on the hook for all of it.
3. Sharing the book with her means she becomes your examiner, and you must meet her expectations to grow all while she keeps score. I won’t elaborate on that, figure it out.
4. Sharing the book with her may trigger, “abuse of empathy is a woman’s birthright” when she’s feeling uncertain and out of sorts. You will have handed her an irrefutable position that is right… about everything.
5. Sharing the book with her means all of your faults are on the table, none of hers. Forget about broaching this in the future. You will have lost your moral authority.
6. Sharing the book with her was an idea Glover promoted when he was conducting couples counselling and was there to referee. Tell me about how Glover has moved into your house.
7. Sharing the book with her means she gets to evaluate every aspect of the Breaking Free exercises and Rules to live by through a “what does this mean for me?” lens. That cannot help but leave her feeling as if you are pulling away from her.
8. Sharing the book with her lets her know that you are preoccupied with your weakness. This tends to form even greater contempt. Contempt is the greatest predictor of break ups.
9. Sharing the book with her means that she walks outside every day and stares at the blue sky above and says to herself, “I have failed,” for her one job in life was to find a powerful man who would stand by and build a tribe with her. Instead, she chose a child.
10. Sharing the book with her is like talking to her in a foreign language. Why? Because women don’t get male weakness. Even female therapists don’t, and why I think they should be avoided. You don’t bleed out of your vagina every month; your body doesn’t balloon up grotesquely in pregnancy; you don’t risk your life delivering life; you are not saddled with worry and anxiety keeping a child alive as she is; and you don’t watch your youthful beauty come and go in the span of a few years like she does. You will never know any of this. And now you want to talk to her about what a pussy you are. Even if she knows you are a pussy, she will have as much empathy for your troubles as you do for her feminine woes.
It’s too easy to convince yourself that you are doing the right thing by sharing your weakness with your wife, but you should not trust your covert-contract, give-to-get, passive-aggressive judgment.
Instead, join a men’s group like 10MM and work out your shit amongst men.
Said with love and compassion, I’ve got your back…
true and free…
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