Around days like Valentine’s Day, I often hear men say the dumbest things. My favourite is this one:
“My wife doesn’t like cut flowers.”
What the fuck brother. Did you go ask her you dumbass?
Because that’s the wrong god-damned thing to do if you expect to keep getting laid long into the future.
If she doesn’t like cut fucking flowers: TOO FUCKING BAD
You’re giving them to her because that’s what YOU want to do.
And if you know she doens’t like cut flowers because she told you after you asked her, you need to be bitch-slapped like the pussy you are.
Or talked to earnestly, fatherly-like, and have things explained in the simplest of terms. Ok, that’s the tact I’m taking here.
It’s like my first girlfriend Sylvia taught me when I was 15 years old, something I shall never, ever forget: She said, “sometimes when a girl says no, she really means yes.”
Like what the fuck are you supposed to do with that information? How the fuck is that going to help you govern yourself accordinly, so that you somehow meet her demands and satisfy her needs?
Well, the thing is, the advice is GOLD.
Because it tells you do never mind what she wants and to go ahead and love her. LEAD that woman into your arms and bed. She’s begging for this from you. AND, she expects you to know this already.
Don’t be a jerk. Be the best version of yourself. Be kind, be fair, be there, be an immovable presence for good in her life. But you need to sweep that girl off her feet, DO IT.
What else is there? “Oh, hey, babe, I was wondering, would it be ok if I, you know, sort of, swept you off your feet? Just for a minute. I’ll put you right back down. I promise not to drop you!”
Is that going to be your pathetic approach?
Because I can tell you, you may keep a gal living in your home but you will soon be a sexless and frustrated piece of furniture she has to dust off like the rest of it.
Remember, familiartiy breeds contempt. Promixity breeds comfort and boredom.
DISTANCE CREATES SEX.
So don’t become predictable. When a woman tells a man she doesn’t like cut flowers, that’s a test. Send that wench a dozen dozen the very next day! To her work if you can! So all the other wenches will gather around her and want to touch her so some of her magic rubs off on them.
HA! Fool. Soon to be a sexless fool wed to Mrs Thumb and her four daughters…
I spend yesterday delivering flowers and I can tell you, the gals rush her in worship of her love and your devotion.
AND everyone of them, from the 18-year-old clerk in a warehouse to the 70-year-old school secretary practically swoons at the very idea one of them is being adulated so.
It’s the sisterhood you see. They fucking cry for each other.
Men lead; women command. Never forget it. Didn’t get her flowers yesterday? Do it today. Tell her she deserves a special day just for her–that’s how amazing she is.
Your comments? Ideas? Impressions?
Stay powerful: never give up.
ps, I came home with this stuff for her and the kids. Sure enough, it’s all over her wall this morning. She’s making sure her gal pals know she’s loved and appreciated.
I’m happy to oblige her. Left her weak. Trust me.
©Feb, 2019 all rights reserved
Dictionary result for wench /wen(t)SH/ noun ARCHAIC•HUMOROUS
1. a girl or young woman